My mother deserved the option to abort me

My mother deserved the option to abort me

By: Amanda K. Fox

Rape is a topic that is at the forefront of our news. It isn’t a pleasant topic nor is it one we can ignore. Like it or not, the current debate on reproductive rights has gone off on this tangent and once Pandora’s box is open, you cannot ignore what comes out of it. Cases have been made for both sides of this twisted argument, and although they tie into abortion, that is only a part of the story. Breaking from the norm, I will share my story regarding rape and abortion. These are my views alone and in no way do they speak for Spicie’s stance on the issue as a whole.


I appreciate my life, but my mother should have had a choice

I can fortunately say that I have never been raped. I can say that I have never raped anyone. Rape is a part of my life, however, because I am the product of a rape. A young girl traveled from her home at West Point to see this thing called Woodstock – she heard it was going to be the event of the summer and had to be a part of it. Along with a pair of her girlfriends, they made the journey. As underage girls, only one old enough to drive even, they sneaked away and decided to have some fun. It didn’t take long for their parents to uncover the “staying at a friend’s house” ruse, nor to find someone to disclose where they went.

A person that was under the command of my birth grandfather was dispatched to collect the girls and bring them home. He did do that, but before he did he decided that he was going to, in his eyes, take advantage of the situation and raped my mother. She had used some drugs while there, however when the person sent to protect turned into the person violating her she did say no. She said it repeatedly. She tried to fight, but the odds of a 15 year old girl physically subduing a full grown man trained in hand to hand combat and recently returned from a combat tour in Vietnam were not good.

She was threatened. She was told no one would believe her if she spoke up. She was told she would be killed if she spoke up. Her rapist assumed no one would ever believe a word out of her mouth. The problem he encountered was twofold – his victim became pregnant and someone thinking it would be funny, at the time, had a picture of her being raped – and she was willing to turn it over to the proper authorities.

I was obviously carried to term. In my mind, I never should have been. My mother had turned to heavy drug use during her pregnancy to dull the pain and try to blot out the memory. She never intended to keep me, but with no legal option available she had no choice but carry and deliver me. A parasite growing inside of her that she resented for all I represented that would be turned over to unknown persons for care. Although she eventually got her life back on track and reclaimed her personal power, she was never the same. She was tortured by the knowledge of a child she brought into the world being out there, somewhere, and she never truly knew if I was okay. Cared for. Loved. By the time she found me, she felt too much time had passed and wouldn’t contact me for fear it throw my life off balance. For fear she may have to answer the question, “Why didn’t you want me?” Eventually I got those answers, and many more, in a letter delivered after she had passed away.

Under the standards of how some sitting elected officials and others seeking office, or a higher office, would view this situation is that everything went according to Hoyle. Sure, a young girl was raped, emotionally never recovered and a was forced to carry a child she never wanted – because the embryo has rights. That embryo developed and eventually became a self-sustaining human, but not one without considerable baggage as well. Not just the emotional baggage of uncovering my genesis as a teen, but the physical challenges I was born and lived with. Some were corrected with surgeries. Others I learned to deal with.

The point being, the cost of my life was that of my mother’s in many ways. An unwilling victim turned into an unwilling incubator. I enjoy my life, but make no bones about – had I been aborted I wouldn’t care. I would have had no knowledge of life. There would have been nothing to miss at all. My mother should have had the right to abort me. It should not have been a decision made by people that would never carry a child to tell her what she could and could not do regarding her medical decisions. Here is the kicker though –under today’s standards, would she fit the criteria for someone allowed that choice?

Would her rape be considered legitimate, illegitimate, forcible or even date rape because hey – they were at a festival. I want to be very clear – there are no degrees of rape. All rape is violent. The second a woman, or man for that fact, says “NO”, and that does not stop the unwanted physical abuse, they have been violated. That is an act of violence. Just as no woman should be forced to explain why she needs an abortion, no victim should be categorized into cubicles housing degrees of rape.

As the product of a rape, I say clearly and emphatically, my mother should have had the option to legally and safely abort me. She should not have been forced to carry and potentially have to care for a daily reminder of what was one of, if not the most, horrific events in her life. Should this ever happen to my daughter, it is my most sincere desire it be her choice what she does regarding her body. Not the choice of a person that believes all rape is not equal. Not the choice of a person that doesn’t even understand the most basic workings of the human reproductive system, and certainly not the choice of a person that looks upon such a heinous, dehumanizing violation as a blessing.


The views expressed in this article are those of the author and author alone and do not reflect the views of the other authors and/or staff of They are presented as a firsthand experience of this issue and are not intended to be interpreted as anything else.

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  1. Anni Bricca says:

    This is one of the best written and most moving articles i’ve ever read. I applaud your strength and mourn all you’ve endured. Stories like this need to be written and as a society we need to see the real people behind them. Thank you for your courage in sharing your story. Let’s get it out there and shared. Hugs to you, Amanda.

  2. Tracy says:

    The strength and courage you have to deal with what life has handed you is truly remarkable. To keep going and making a difference in your life and those around you instead of being caged up in the victim role commands respect and a big hug! Thank you for sharing your story Amanda.

  3. I’m completely blown away by this post Amanda. *hugs* I simply don’t have the words to reply to it except to say that I’m even prouder than I already was to know you.

  4. Leia Peison says:

    you sound like such a wonderful woman. i am sooo sorry for all the pain brought about. i am so very glad you have a good life. live it to the fullest. you deserve it. have you ever heard of rebecca kiessling? you should totally check her out. she is something else.

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