How Nice Guys Can Get The Girl

How Nice Guys Can Get The Girl

Eva Bell – (Guest Contributor)

 
I’m active on a few different relationship forums where both girls and guys lament about the trials and tribulations of dating today. One of the common topics is how so many self-professed nice guys can’t seem to attract and keep quality women. I’ve seen many men feel they need to resort to “pick up artist” tactics to get women, even if they don’t consider themselves players. Outside of these forums, I’ve also had many male friends who have vented about their own issues. Often they end up settling for women they aren’t necessarily in love with just to get out of the dating game.

 
If you’re a single guy and having issues on the dating scene, we get it. Look, times are really different right now. But there are a lot of quality women out there who are actually looking for nice guys. We’re going to share with you some tips on how you can attract and keep quality women and avoid being either “Friend Zoned” or labeled a creep.

 
How to Attract and Keep Quality Women

 

  • Keep Balance

 

Today, with text messaging, IMs, social media and mobile phones, it’s pretty easy to maintain communications with someone throughout the day. Active, ongoing contact is fine if you’re actually in a relationship with a girl. But a common issue I’ve experienced and many of my gal friends have is men going overboard in communication. Even if she is initially responsive, it can wear thin.

You really can be “too connected”. Some space is good.

 
By the same token, too little or sporadic contact can lead a woman to believe you aren’t interested and result in them moving on.

 

Here are some keys to maintaining balance:

 

Focus on quality rather than quantity. Now is not the time to share every minute detail of your day.

  • Pace your communications. If she doesn’t respond immediately, give her some space. One of my friends just ditched a guy she went on a couple of dates with because he’d send her sometimes ten texts without her responding once. It was overkill for her.
  • Be the initiator. Although a lot of women have no issue with initiating contact with guys they are into, most would prefer that the man is the one who initiates contact.
  • Not all communications today need to lead to full-on conversations.  If you’re having a busy day, send her a single text saying you were thinking of her without expecting further engagement. This lets her know she’s on your mind without coming across as being needy.
  • Another key element to maintaining balance is about the progression of the relationship itself. Don’t talk about things between the two of you too far ahead. One girlfriend recently told me she canceled a first date with someone she met online because he mentioned being invited to a wedding 3 months away and alluded to her going with him. That is overkill!

 

  • Be Interesting and Be Interested

 

 
Being able to show you have passion and interests of your own is something most women love. Most women, like men, don’t want to believe that a guy they are in the early stages of connecting with have no life outside of them.  Something helpful here is learning how to tell stories about things you’ve experienced.

 
You also want to show a girl you’re interested in them. Ask them questions about what they like, their passions and pursuits.  Also try and remember things she tells you. If she mentions on a date having a job interview, send her a text the evening before to wish her good luck.

 

  • Have Self-Respect and Confidence

 

 

Be confident and classy, not a jerk

It’s easy for a lot of nice guys to come across as lacking in self-respect and confidence.  Remind yourself of all the fabulous qualities you possess and that you are worthy of the girl you are into.

 
It can be a challenge sometimes to avoid coming across as cocky when you’re what you’re really feeling is insecurity, so be careful there!

 

  • Show Respect

 
How respect can be shown depends on the woman. For me? Opening doors, paying for the first date, not checking out other women in my presence and demonstrating you value my opinion go a long way.  You’ll need to gauge women individually but be careful not to cross lines.

 

  • Be Direct

 
Being direct is one of the easiest ways to avoid being put in the “Friend Zone.”  If you are interested in dating a girl, then ask her out. Be specific. Vague does not work here. Saying you want to hang out with her is iffy as well. You hang out with your guy friends; you go on a date with a girl.

 

  • Make Her Feel Wanted

 
You want to make sure a girl knows you are attracted to her. Compliments (without being overkill) are a great way to do this. Focusing your attention on her is another.

 
This can be tricky for some men. You want to avoid crossing lines with sexual overtures which may get you slapped or put into the “creep” category. You also want to make sure that a woman sees you as a potential boyfriend rather than a male friend to take along on shopping trips.

 

Be very careful about going after multiple women at the same time, particularly openly. Most women are not going to be pleased with feeling like an option – everyone wants to feel like they are the one and only. You have to let her know SHE is the one you are interested in. If you make her your priority, she will feel special and take you seriously.

 

  • Focus on the Positive

 
Once you’re in an exclusive relationship, there will be plenty of time for you both to share the bad in your past and the day to day bumps that come up. But in the early stages where you are just getting to know one another, you’ll want to focus on the good things.

Ladies and gentlemen, chime in! Do you agree/disagree with our suggestions? What should be added to the list?

Be Sociable, Share!

Comments

comments

Powered by Facebook Comments

Comments

  1. Lou says:

    Not really applicable to me (have dated in well over 20 years – married), but interesting nonetheless.

  2. Great article, and I agree with all of the things you shared.

  3. Maintaining some balance is really important, but I think that plays out differently with different women. I think going blunt, not on the first date, but when it seems that more might be possible. Kind of uncomfortable, but I just think you need to ask. I have been growled at for a text or two during the day because she was busy at work. I have been growled at for not sending several because I am cold and uncommunicative.

    I don’t know that you really addresses the ‘nice guy’ issue exactly.

    My favorite story in the space was from a friend of mine who had been going out for a few weeks with a gal he really liked. He was interested in taking the relationship to the next level, and he though a romantic dinner at a very nice restaurant was the right prelude. Evidently she sensed that also but had different ideas. In the midst of dinner, she gave him the ‘let’s be friends’ speech. When the check arrived, he said told her that he did split checks with friends and made her pay half.

    • Sharon Hayes says:

      Hi Harold, thanks for the comment. We did try to share what we see/experience from a woman’s perspective. Sorry if you think it fell short.

      Loved how your friend handled it! Often people just aren’t a match. There’s more to it than just doing things properly but there also has to be attraction too.

  4. Ben Heys says:

    some god tips there…good to keep in mind, cheers

  5. I love the quote in the picture and feel a bit lost with the post. I AM married to the most gorgeous, admirable and loveable woman on the planet and everybody may know it. :-)

  6. Sui says:

    Hmmm… all that is said – true, but … I’m kind of “take if you want” :) and then I’m ‘shaping’ guy : a bit one, a bit other :)) according to my needs :)))

Trackbacks

  1. […] How Nice Guys Can Get The Girl. Share this:TwitterFacebookLike this:LikeBe the first to like […]

  2. […] she likes – and it isn’t you! At least not the way you want it to be. Since our column “How Nice Guys Can Get The Girl” ran, a lot of you guys have complained that nice guys are terminally stuck in the friend zone and […]

Speak Your Mind

*